How do I get my husband or wife to change?

St Paisios, he says husband and wife are like two boards that you want to glue together, but they don't fit perfectly. They're rough around the edges, and they have to be smoothed out in order to glue. And this is where the real crux of marriage comes in, because most people think, I'm going to change my spouse and make them more into the person that I want them to be. And when they do that, which is fueled really by narcissism and self centeredness and egotism and pride, they drive the other person crazy, constantly trying to change them, and it doesn't work. Marriage works when you're working on yourself. That's how you make the marriage dynamic work. You work on modifying the things that you're able to do so that you can work better with your spouse. The eyes have to be turned in on yourself. What am I doing that is driving them crazy? What can I do to make their life easier? How can I be a better servant to them? When the person changes this perspective, all of a sudden the marriage does make sense. The strengths and weaknesses are harmonic. They're able to see each other in a different light. This is why St Paisios also said that all of divorce was the byproduct of egotism and pride. Everything else is just a means of justifying that.